Howdy folks, and welcome to the second post in this new weekly blog theme. Motherhood. Ooooooph. That is a doozy of a word fraught with different meanings for different people. Some good, some bad, and some in the middle. Motherhood for me has always been this weird murky grey area that I have avoided dealing with. I have always loved children, but never thought I would have my own...until now.

Me. A mother. The thought still sends me spinning and here I am just over 9 weeks along now and nearing my first midwife appointment. It's like a big scary job interview, with myself, and I have no idea what to expect. But then again, no one does. It's not like God hands you an instruction manual to study from the minute that test says positive.

But here I am, preparing and dreaming and taking my vitamins, drinking my water, and doing a whole hell of a lot of thinking.

See I don't have a positive relationship with my mom, in fact I haven't talked to her in 5 years. To keep a long and personal story short I lived in foster care for a number of years and then was out in the world on my own at 18. The word "mother" for me brings up a whole bunch of issues....and it is hard for me to identify as one when my thoughts are so jumbled.

That doesn't mean I am not excited, not happy, not rubbing my belly and anxiously looking for my belly to show more! Its been a wild and exciting ride so far and I am looking forward to the next 7 months. But I am also grateful I have 9 months to get used to the idea of being a "mom".

Looks like I have lots of thinking and art journaling to do! In other news wow, so food and me don't get along! I am perpetually hungry and hate all food except for bread pretty much. Maybe my belly isnt so much baby belly as it is a bread belly? lol! I can't stand meat right now, it makes me gag. I tried eating re-heated chickin leftovers the other day....to me it smelled like a petting zoo of death. Seriously. AND I LOVE MEAT!
11/2/2010

It's definitely nice to have time to get used to the idea of becoming a mom. I still am getting used to it, and my Marco is 5 months old!

Do you like oatmeal? That was something that was good to eat, and healthy. And it helped with the nausea.

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chels
11/2/2010

Though I had a good relationship with my mom, i'm super scared of the becoming a mom too. Now that so many of my friends have kids, its really interesting to see how they do things (soother, no soother, sugar, no sugar, organic, non-organic) it's intense.

I think you're going to be a great mom, and although your relationship with your mom was rocky you have a strong network of family and friends that no matter what support you whole heartily.

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11/2/2010

I'm having trouble with the mother thing. When we decided to try I thought I was so ready, but as soon as that test turned positive I freaked out a bit, haha. So much commitment! So much pressure! But I'm sure we'll both be fine :)

On another note, the only thing that doesnt make me gag are potatoes. So I've been eating them every which way I can think of. Chicken makes me gag the worst but I'm not feeling the meat that much either :/ I'm trying to at least get enough fruits and veggies...

Reply
Kamika
11/2/2010

Yah, wow. Reality eh? It kinda slaps you awake the minute you see the positive sign....YIKES! But at the same time I am excited to be a cool mom!

Potatoes eh? I think I just struck the goldmine! Potatoes with butter and salt and pepper....ok my tummy is loving this idea!

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