Me. A mother. The thought still sends me spinning and here I am just over 9 weeks along now and nearing my first midwife appointment. It's like a big scary job interview, with myself, and I have no idea what to expect. But then again, no one does. It's not like God hands you an instruction manual to study from the minute that test says positive.
But here I am, preparing and dreaming and taking my vitamins, drinking my water, and doing a whole hell of a lot of thinking.
See I don't have a positive relationship with my mom, in fact I haven't talked to her in 5 years. To keep a long and personal story short I lived in foster care for a number of years and then was out in the world on my own at 18. The word "mother" for me brings up a whole bunch of issues....and it is hard for me to identify as one when my thoughts are so jumbled.
That doesn't mean I am not excited, not happy, not rubbing my belly and anxiously looking for my belly to show more! Its been a wild and exciting ride so far and I am looking forward to the next 7 months. But I am also grateful I have 9 months to get used to the idea of being a "mom".
Looks like I have lots of thinking and art journaling to do! In other news wow, so food and me don't get along! I am perpetually hungry and hate all food except for bread pretty much. Maybe my belly isnt so much baby belly as it is a bread belly? lol! I can't stand meat right now, it makes me gag. I tried eating re-heated chickin leftovers the other day....to me it smelled like a petting zoo of death. Seriously. AND I LOVE MEAT!