First off I just want to say a very big and heartfelt thank you to everyone who reads this weekly post and shares their thoughts, love, advice and experience with me. I love reading your comments; they really do mean the world to me! I am now into my 22 week of pregnancy, or as some like to say just entering my sixth month. I am definitely feeling a lot more movement these days. Kicks and nudges but often it is just a sense of a whirling ball of energy, a presence right below my navel that I am constantly aware of. I can now clearly tell when the bug is awake or asleep, just by a sense of energy in my belly. A new favorite game the bug likes to play is the "I’m hungry!" game. If I sleep in and am late to eating my breakfast its not just my tummy that is ravenous, the bug kicks furiously until I eat! Then a nice food induced coma sets in and all is quiet again.
I am having a hard time with moods, frankly I have been since the beginning. I just didn’t talk about it much. But I made a promise do a dear friend recently and she made me realize that my silence was serving no purpose other than to make me and others around me unhappy. So you know what? The prego blues happens, it sucks, and it is real but I am learning it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with me. Or that I need to be "fixed" or get my head checked. I have enlisted the help of some professionals recently and am learning what is considered normal during pregnancy, versus what is a warning sign. I am a prime candidate for post partum depression as I have dealt with depression/anxiety since I was 15 years old. My mother, grandmother and one of my aunts also suffer from mental disorders ranging from OCD to depression to bi-polar disorder, so needless to say I can worry over my "blue" thoughts sometimes. And there has been a lot of that these past 22 weeks: feelings of loneliness, depression, and overwhelming anxiety that are natural to a hormonally charged up pregnant woman can seem VERY scary to a person with my history. So if you are like me just know this: you are not alone! Yes, it is normal to have these swings, ups and downs, and teary days of crying for no reason. HORMONES ARE POWERFUL and it is all part of the process of prepping both your body and mind for baby. Talk to someone, your midwife, a counselor, a friend and update the REGUALRY! Don't hide out and be embarrassed that you aren’t always "glowing" and earth mamma like. That is just stupid. Be real. Breathe. Relax. Do yoga. And hug your friends. Lots. Hug them long and hard and tell them you love them. Make BFF dates. Spend time with the women in your family that bring you peace, limit time with those that do not. Go for long walks and breathe in plenty of fresh air. And once again, BREATHE!
Other than that though I can honestly say this baby has been so good to me so far that I at times I don’t even feel pregnant. Then I will get a kick, or my feet will swell up suddenly after a long day of shopping and I will think to myself, oh yah! You are growing a baby in there! As my friend Chels told me yesterday over a d-lish curry lunch "Dude it’s like the ultimate craft project! You are crafting a human being!" And you know what? She is right, and that makes me feel a lot less guilty at neglecting my blog and Etsy shop....I am crafting every minute of every day! LOL